Friday, August 30, 2013

Implications

All the hope I was able to summon a few days ago was smashed into a million pieces as the words rained down like machine gun fire from the Doctor. 4 weeks to heal. My world was spinning around me at a million miles an hour. Was this really happening again? Suddenly my life was in shambles. Would it ever end? I must admit that there was a two day period where I had officially quit running. I was completely sold on the thought of avoiding the thing that's caused me so much misery and heartache over the past two years. I thought and thought (and cried and cried) until suddenly I couldn't rationalize not giving it one more shot. It will not be the storybook senior season I pictured for myself, and fucking deserved. But if there is one things running has taught me, it's that life doesn't usually go as planned. Now I need to kindle a fire of motivation to serve the three week death sentence in the water for the melancholic ritual of water running each day. The isolation from the team will drive me up the wall, but at this point I can't go any further up it. I really do want to involve these freshmen into a deeper part of the sport, but they are all so unapproachable with their pack of six, their long shorts, and what I call the tea-party attitude. No, not the political party. Most people seem to regard cross country as literally a children's tea party, and that is the impression I get from these kids. Running is serious sport, and I am burning inside to show these kids how easily I could destroy any competition we will see at these meets. But, I must serve my sentence first. The insanity of it all hits me like a ton of bricks as I write that. Sentence? How the fuck did I earn a sentence? By training hard over the summer? Is that really a proper reward? But running is perfect metaphor for life, because bad things happen to good people, and hard work gets punished with misery. I must learn to accept the unfairness of it all as I wake up tomorrow for my first water running session. I am highly motivated to show how good I am and pull off the win at the state meet even with my compromised training. As Ritz said, whatever it takes. 

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